How to Balance your Personal and Professional Priorities as a Black Woman

“I don’t like confrontation”

“I don’t like asking for help; I have to be strong.” 

“I am so busy and stretched very thin.” 

If these phrases resonate with you, you’re not alone. We hear them a lot with our clients. As Black women, many of us grew up in households that placed us in the role as caretaker well before we should have been. This often leads to us living this role for so long that we feel trapped. And when we feel trapped, it becomes even harder for us to ask for help.  It’s easy for some women to get stuck in this cycle of working to the point of exhaustion as they wait for someone to recognize and validate their worth. 

It’s not surprising that Black women continue to feel this way not only in their personal lives, but especially in the workplace. With the additional stress of microaggressions and implicit bias, the safety to speak up becomes even more diminished. Only 3% of white women and 11% of women overall feel their race impacts their ability to get a raise or promotion, while that number for Black women is 49%. 

Although this feels like too big of a gap to bridge - and it is a big gap - it doesn’t mean you have to accept what other people say your value is in the workplace. What you need to remind yourself of is this: I deserve to be recognized for my value. We spend the majority of our days at work, and you are worth the time, energy,  resources and talent that you bring to the table. 

Tip #1) Get clear on how your personal and professional goals connect  

Here’s the not-so-secret truth: goals in your professional life are likely linked to the goals in your personal life (and vice versa). Although we may feel we are operating as two separate identities in these spaces, the reality is you are still you no matter where you are. Make a list of all of your goals - one column for your professional goals and one column for your personal goals. How do your professional and personal goals connect? 

Intrinsic Rewards 

It’s important to do some reflecting on the intrinsic rewards you gain in your career. These are rewards that are internal. Intrinsic rewards make you feel good about your job: you enjoy it and it brings you fulfillment. Then think about how your personal goals match (or don’t) with this. 

Extrinsic Rewards 

Perhaps you have a personal goal to save a specific amount of money each month for retirement, a trip or a new car. After looking at your finances, you realize that saving this money will be more possible with a raise at work. If you are hoping to reach a higher level at work (say, Director or C-Suite), then the goal of earning more money directly relates to your professional goal. 

Tip #2) Define “value” for yourself  

Once you determine how your personal and professional goals align, it’s time to look at how you want to be valued in the workplace. Especially since the COVID-19 pandemic, many people are recognizing that there are benefits other than salary that are appealing in a job. And, for you, money may not be the leading priority for you right now. Latesha Byrd, a Career Coach and Talent Development Consultant offers other suggestions, “Think about more PTO, work-from-home opportunities, professional development training, equipment, mentorship, travel benefits, transportation stipend, relocation package, etc.” The important thing is to not accept “no.” There are plenty of ways beyond compensation that a company can show how much it appreciates the value you bring to the team. 

Tip #3)  Control what you can control   

It’s no wonder that many Black women don’t ask for what they’re worth in the workplace when they more than often experience gaslighting especially around salary. 

“Why are you asking for more money?” 

“Don’t we pay you enough?”

“Do you know you are one of the higher-paid team members?” 

These are just a few examples of responses that are designed to “deflect and distract, reducing the person making an obviously reasonable request…[to question] their own reality.” Can you control what the other person is saying? No. But you can control your experience in that space. Whether you choose to push through the discomfort and advocate harder for yourself, or look for a more inclusive, safer space elsewhere, make it your priority to support your mental health and well being. 

When you advocate for yourself,  you advocate for many

Although there is still a long way for Black women to go in the workplace, every step - even small ones - are important steps in building the future. If you are unable to achieve what you are looking for, and leaving your current position doesn’t feel like an option, there is still an opportunity for success. Negotiation is about more than asking for what you want and deserve, it’s also about “bending norms to break open new paths, and shaping new ways of working.” By bringing your concerns to light, a company is forced to look at their value system. And more importantly, other Black women - especially those younger than you - see a behavior that will hopefully become normalized: a Black woman asking for her worth. 

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Need help in navigating your goals in the workplace? Book an appointment with our team today.