Parentification and The Black Superwoman

The Black Superwoman:

    “…a cultural icon, born of black women’s resilience in the face of systemic oppression that has dismantled families and made economic stability a formidable challenge. She is self-sufficient and self-sacrificing. She is a provider, caretaker and homemaker. And often, she is suffering.”

-Dr. Inger E. Burnett-Zeigler, Clinical Psychologist

Jane is a middle-aged, ambitious, focused African-American woman who is driven to accomplish her goals. A respected leader in corporate America, Jane is also personable and fun to be around. She has four adult brothers and, though their mother is independent, Jane assumes the matriarchal role in the family. She is the ‘go-to’ person in her personal and professional circles who is often called on to complete tasks or give advice. Jane is also very active in charitable organizations. As the mother of a recent college graduate, she assists her daughter in making the transition from college student to working adult. Although she lives in a different state from the rest of her family, she often makes the 600-mile roundtrip commute to check on everyone. On the outside, many people wonder how she does it all. The only person in her circle that is acutely aware of how overwhelmed she really feels – is Jane.

Jane’s story demonstrates a classic case of Black Superwoman Syndrome, a colloquialism used to describe Black women who consistently push past their limits to do it all for everyone at their own expense. Despite their own responsibilities, they also take on the responsibilities of family and friends.  

The act of caring for others and taking on their duties is common in the African-American community. This type of socialization is often demonstrated at home by a female authority figure, such as a mother, grandmother or aunt. Young Black girls who are exposed to this behavior often replicate it in adulthood. Because they do not want to disappoint others, they struggle with feelings of guilt should they say no.

Black Superwoman Syndrome can also be the result of parentification – when a young girl takes on a parental role in the family at a young age.  As a result, women can have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, making it easier for them to be concerned about others rather than themselves.  This phenomenon often occurs disproportionately in Black families due to racial and economic inequalities. 

This narrative, however, is not limited to Black women’s personal lives.  Black Superwoman Syndrome also extends into the workplace. They take on additional projects, though they may already have a full workload. They will also reject help from their managers so they do not seem incapable of handling a situation. Black women also tend to downplay their emotions for fear of being perceived negatively. For example, when Black women in leadership want to cry or display anger, they internalize their feelings to avoid being typecast as “the angry Black woman”.      

Black Superwoman Syndrome is often attributed to a cultural occurrence between Black women and the societies in which they live.  In the United States, some studies link it to the system of African-American chattel slavery and the exceptionally unrealistic expectations that it placed on Black women. Others associate it with race and gender bias and the expectation that Black women will fail.  Black women have been laser-focused on surviving. As a result, their mental health needs have been regarded as optional rather than essential.

Black women who demonstrate symptoms of Black Superwoman Syndrome become approval seekers and lose themselves in the process. Although they feel inundated, they fear that seeking therapy (or asking for help) will make them appear to be weak to others.  They have stuffed their feelings from traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express feelings because it hurts so much. Therefore, instead of asking for help, they silently suffer under the weight of it all; that is, until they are forced to seek help. 

Those who live according to the Black Superwoman Syndrome narrative without seeking help eventually find that the consequences show up in other ways in their lives. The effects can be physical, such as heart disease or migraines. Repercussions can also be presented mentally as depression and/or anxiety. 

It is imperative for Black women to seek help.  They can choose to work with a licensed and experienced clinician who specializes in providing the proper tools to overcome Black Superwoman Syndrome. Once these tools are available to them, they will be better equipped to live their lives fully, freely and – more importantly – in good health. 

Are you grappling with Black Superwoman Syndrome?  Do you feel that it’s expected for you to show strength at all times?  Are you expected to never complain?  Do you feel obligated to always put on a happy face, even when you do not feel happy?  Do you struggle with expressing your emotions? 

If you’ve answered yes to one or more of these questions, it is okay to seek help from a licensed professional with experience in addressing the lingering effects of parentification and Black Superwoman Syndrome.  Now is the time to put yourself first. Turn the page and choose to live your life fully, freely and healthfully. Contact Myers-Galloway Counseling today.