A Simple Guide to Parentification: 20 Terms to Know So that You Can Heal
Have you ever felt like you were the parent in your family, even as a child? Growing up with adult responsibilities while still being a kid is tough. This experience is called parentification, and it's more common than you might think. It can have lasting effects on your mental health and well-being. In this blog, we'll explain what parentification is, how it affects those who experience it, and what you can do to heal. We've grouped similar terms together to make them easier to read and understand. We'll help you understand the words and phrases that are associated with parentification, what they mean and how it all connects.
First, what is Parentification?
Parentification happens when a child takes on roles and responsibilities usually meant for adults. It’s what happens when the roles are reversed in a family dynamic. This can affect how kids grow emotionally and psychologically. To understand parentification better, it's important to learn about different related terms that help paint a bigger picture of this experience. The circumstances under which parentification occurs has both pros and cons and is extremely nuanced beyond this blog. If you would like to unpack your parentification experience with a licensed professional, call us today at (704) 750-1889 to book your FREE Consultation.
Other Terms Related to Parentification
Parentification doesn’t exist in a vacuum; it’s part of a larger web of experiences and dynamics that impact children forced to grow up too soon. To fully grasp the depth of this phenomenon, it’s essential to explore the related terms that help contextualize it. From adultification to emotional neglect, these terms describe the various ways children can be pushed into roles they’re not ready for, often at the expense of their emotional and mental health. Understanding these concepts is key to recognizing the signs of parentification in yourself or others and finding pathways to healing. Here are other terms related to the experience of parentification:
Youth Caregivers
Youth caregivers are kids or teens who take care of their family members. This often happens because of a parent's illness, absence, or other issues. This can be hard on the young caregiver and can cause emotional and developmental challenges. According to the American Association of Caregiving Youth, there are over 5.4 million children and teenagers in the United States aged 18 or younger who provide significant assistance or care to a family member with a chronic illness, disability, mental health condition, or frailty due to aging.
Emotional Neglect
Emotional neglect happens when a child's emotional needs are not met by their caregivers. In parentified families where there is a lack of awareness and reciprocity, parents might be too focused on their own problems to support their children emotionally. This can lead to the child experiencing feelings of worthlessness and trouble forming healthy relationships later in life.
Boundary Dissolution and Boundary Confusion
In healthy families, clear boundaries exist between parents and children. Boundary dissolution happens when these lines blur, and children take on adult roles. This can lead to boundary confusion, where the child struggles to understand their place in the family and later in life. This can look like children playing too much of a parental role with other siblings, this can look like the parent allowing the child to control the environment in the home.
Arrested Development
Arrested development can happen when someone is unwilling or unable to address their emotional needs. A child's emotional and psychological growth can be stunted if they take on certain responsibilities too early. Children who are parentified or youth caregivers may miss out on important developmental stages, leading to issues in maturity and emotional control. If you can imagine, this impacts social, personal and professional/career related development.
Role Reversal
Role reversal is when children switch roles with their parents, acting like the parent instead of being cared for. This can cause long-term psychological effects and cause you to lose sight of your own sense of self. When we don’t get the nurturing that we need, we tend to overcompensate in other ways.
Pseudo Parent and Surrogate Spouse
In some families, a child becomes a pseudo parent, taking on roles that go beyond their capacity. Sometimes, they even become a surrogate spouse, providing support usually given by a romantic partner. This places an unfair burden on the child.
Enmeshment
Enmeshment happens when a child or other family members becomes too involved in their family's issues, losing their sense of self.
Adultification
A form of bias and also discrimination, adultification is when a child is treated more like an adult and takes on responsibilities beyond their age. Both can hinder a child's healthy development.
Enabler
An enabler is someone who, often unintentionally, supports or allows another person's harmful behavior to continue. This could be by ignoring the problem, making excuses for the person, or actively helping them avoid consequences. For example, an enabler might cover for a loved one’s addiction by lying about their actions or responsibilities, preventing them from facing the impact of their behavior. A parentified child might become an enabler, helping maintain unhealthy behaviors in their family.
Codependency
Enabling can lead to codependency, where the child's self-worth depends on taking care of others, often at the expense of their own needs. Codependency is a relationship dynamic where one person becomes overly reliant on meeting the needs of another, often at the expense of their own well-being. Codependent individuals may derive their sense of worth from "saving" or being needed by the other person. This dynamic often leads to unhealthy boundaries and emotional exhaustion.
Caregiver Burden is the emotional, physical, and psychological strain of caregiving.
Self Neglect and Caregiver Fatigue
Parentified children often ignore their own needs to care for others, which can lead to self-neglect. Over time, this can cause caregiver fatigue which is a state of exhaustion that affects the child's quality of life.
Family Hero
In parentified families, the child often becomes the family hero or the “family star”, trying to keep everything together. This can lead to a lot of pressure and stress.
Hyper Responsibility and Compulsive Caregiving
Hyper responsibility is when a child feels an exaggerated duty to care for their family. This often leads to compulsive caregiving, where the child always puts others' needs before their own, resulting in burnout and exhaustion.
Overfunctioning and Attachment Issues
Overfunctioning occurs when a child takes on tasks or responsibilities beyond what is appropriate for their age. This often stems from attachment issues, where early experiences with caregivers—such as inconsistent, neglectful, or overly demanding care—disrupt the child’s sense of safety and stability. These attachment challenges can lead the child to overfunction as a way of seeking approval, maintaining connection, or compensating for unmet emotional needs. Over time, this pattern can interfere with their ability to form healthy, balanced relationships.
How Will Understanding These Terms Help Me Heal From Parentification?
As Black women, we often carry the weight of expectations placed upon us by others—an unspoken yet powerful force that shapes how we see ourselves. Parentification, in particular, leaves a lasting mark on youth caregivers, influencing their personal development, relationships, and overall well-being. By understanding the terms and dynamics associated with parentification, you gain the tools to identify these patterns in your life and begin making meaningful changes in real-time. This awareness is the first step toward breaking free from cycles of self-sacrifice and creating healthier relationships, stronger boundaries, and a future rooted in personal growth and empowerment.
Take Your Next Step towards Healing from Parentification
If this guide was helpful, please share it with someone who might benefit from learning about parentification. For more personalized support, Myers-Galloway Counseling offers Parentification Therapy for Black women who have been parentified.
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